Friday, April 1, 2016

GARFIELD MONSTROSITY

Griffin: "It's by Yahoo Answers user '?' who asks: Really freaked out my girlfriend. Need help? As a teenager I suffered from sever depression and formed a strong bond with the character Garfield and his outlook. It's sad but reading Garfield anthologies obsessively was the only thing that made me feel normal. And it eventually took on something of an erotic fixation."

Travis: "OH NO! And I think you mispronounced Nermal. Reading Garfield books obsessively made me feel Nermal."

Griffin: "ummmm…To avoid feeling like a sicko I drew pictures of Garfield with a woman's (Pamela Anderson's body circa 1990) body and Garfield's head."

Travis: "Yeah cus that doesn't make him a sicko…go on."

Griffin: "So that I was assured that my obsession wasn't with animals or repressed homosexuality. This Garfield/Pam hybrid still had the same biting wit and acerbic outlook and tended to cut herself in self loathing while wolfing down a lasagna to fill the void after sleeping with drawings of a much more handsome and muscular version of myself. These drawings eventually evolved into erotic fan fiction staring Garfield and myself. In my head Garfield still has a woman's body but someone reading the stories would think I'm having sex with regular Garfield. I killed off John in a jealous rage. I didn't touch Odie, I enjoy his companionship and don't mind if he watches.

Travis: "What. The. Fuck."

Griffin: "The stories are your pretty basic wish fulfillment stuff, balanced with the self loathing rants. I've been doing this for-"

Travis: "Yeah pretty basic stuff, nothing out of the ordinary here."

Griffin: "I've been doing this near daily for years and I have a substantial amount of writing in a folder I keep buried in eight different folders. My girlfriend stumbled across them by accident when it came up in a search and is pretty freaked out. How can I show her I'm just a 'Nermal' guy with a weird outlet for my psychological problems and not some kind of sicko. And they included a sample of some of the erotic fiction and I didn't think I would ever say this on this podcast but it's too gross to read out loud."

Justin: "So the days he has unconsensual sex with Garfield's head on a woman's body…does that happen on Mondays because that would definitely make a lot of sense."

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